I came across the Borowitz report for the first time a couple of days ago -- not bad.
Concerned that some in the global community may have been confused by his inaugural address last week, President George W. Bush delivered a simplified version of the speech today, asking the world, “Who’s your daddy?”
Advance copies of the revised speech, totaling three words in length, were distributed to the press an hour before Mr. Bush delivered it.
The new speech, which surprised many observers with both its bluntness and its brevity, was “what the president wanted his inaugural address to be in the first place,” said a White House aide.
“The president was very concerned that the way the original speech was written, his message about spreading freedom around the world might be misconstrued,” the aide said. “For one thing, he was worried that countries might think they had a choice.”
For additional clarification, the White House issued the following addendum to Mr. Bush’s pledge to spread freedom: “Offer not available in Saudi Arabia, Egypt or China; see repressive regime for details.”
Mr. Bush had argued last week for discarding the text of his twenty-minute inaugural address in favor of the simpler, more streamlined “Who’s your daddy?”, but was overruled because “you can’t spend $40 million on an inauguration and just say three words,” the aide said.
Response to the president’s revised speech was muted in world capitals today, with only British Prime Minister Tony Blair and Afghan President Hamid Karzai confirming that Mr. Bush was, in fact, their daddy.