A friend has a phobia about the microphones in meeting rooms. During long and insufferably tedious meetings she says she is seized with a desire to press the mike’s little green button and yell something completely inappropriate into it.
I can completely sympathize, as I am full of such irrational longings. My worst fear concerns the urinals at work. If there is someone next to me (usually someone quiet and inoffensive) I sometimes have a crazy urge to pat his bottom! There is nothing at all sexual in this, it is just the sheer outrageousness of it that appeals to me. I mean what would you do if you one of your colleagues patted your bottom at the urinal? What could you say?
I have no idea why I long to seem ridiculous in this way, but it brings me out in a cold sweat every time I think that one day I might act out one of these odd compulsions (I have others!).
It’s like that feeling when you look down from a tall building—the chances are that you won’t fling yourself off, but you can’t be entirely sure …